Curfew for Teens: They Scare Me

The business leaders of the Ucity Loop want to impose a 10 P.M. curfew for anyone 16 or younger. This of course is an absolutely brilliant move because as we all know teenagers have no disposable income. Oh wait, they do have disposable income. So I guess we want them gone because they are the primary suspects in crimes. What? The only suspect in the shooting of a police officer on the loop was 41 years old. So why do they want the curfew?

As far as I can tell people are afraid of teenagers. Teenagers scare honest hardworking adults away from the businesses of the loop. The economy is in recession, but I know lets blame the youth of the nation for the downturn in business. Curfews seem like the perfect solution since the sole reason for their existence is to give the police a reason to harass teenagers.

Many people blame the influx of teens in the loop on The Galleria's decision to ban kids from the mall. Now lets ban them from the loop. They shouldn't go to the parks that often have an earlier curfew than the surrounding community. Don't let them slowly drive their cars up and down the street. If you are U-city, what ever you do, don't put basketball courts in the community recreation center. If parents would just do their job and keep the kids at home in front of the T.V. society would be much better for it.

Of course, then the parents would have to stay home as well and couldn't go out to spend money at these sensitive businesses. So maybe the parents should go out. Leave the kids in the house. Make sure you give them a pack of condoms and an ashtray for their blunts.

Teenagers are scary.

How Do You Say WTF In Spanish?

As of right now we don't know if Missouri went for McCain or Obama, but we can say without a doubt that 80+% of Missourians are racist assholes. Nearly 1.5 million 2 million voters are so afraid of immigrants they decided to pass the most unnecessary law imaginable. How else can you explain the passage of an English only law?

Honestly, I don't know how many times I have walked into a government office and been frustrated with my inability to talk with government workers in English. On any given trip to city hall, the county courthouse, and the DMV I have found my self speaking Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, and Farsi. In fact my sons birth certificate is filled out in a combination of Hindi and French. I don't even have a driver's license because I didn't bring a translator with me the last time it expired.

Our culture and language has crept into nearly every corner of the map yet millions of Missourians cowered in the voting booth hoping to defend apple pie, grandma, and baseball from from the clutches of multilingualism. Speaking of baseball have you noticed that Joe Morgan is now announcing games in Spanish, Japanese, and French. Our most iconic sport is a monument to multiculturalism (yes I know it is the second multi-ism in this paragraph). English is the language of the world. Don't believe me? Fucking google it.

And how the hell does this law apply retroactively? Will all of these dumb-fucks pony of the tax dollars to change all of the street and town names that are non-English in nature. We have already anglicized the pronunciation of most of the French that pervades the town of St. Louis. Why not eliminate them altogether and erase the influence of anyone other that English speakers.

Or we could go completely native on their asses and pick an indigenous language at random and then perhaps conduct all government business in Cherokee.

Well at least we didn't have grant the legal status of "person" to a fertilized egg. Stupid fucking Coloradoans.