Car Break-in Camouflage

Every car on our block recently received a flyer from the police department imploring us to "park smart." I can only assume that these are a result of a series of recent break-ins. Admittedly I take some joy in this since a majority of the cars that park on our street are actually cheap bastards.

We live near Washington University and a Metro station, and there are many people that, in order to avoid parking fees, feel that it is perfectly acceptable to park in front of our home. If I am home during the week I fear leaving the house because I may have to park a block away when I return. Plumbers, Electricians, Tree Trimmers, and Rooters can rarely park anywhere near our house. So the thought of these penny pinching pains getting rob is slightly amusing. Most of them drive nicer cars than I do, and seems as if the financial divisions of Karma is working everything out.

However, I don't think that I would be nearly as amused if my car was broken into. In fact, it was violated last year when someone took my book bag out of my unlocked car while I had returned to the house to get something. I'm just hoping that somewhere there is a crackhead grading high school essays.

With that said, I think that we are relatively safe from the possibility of a break in because of how we camouflage our underlying opulence. First we drive older model cars with a few dents, dings, scratches and a sideview mirror that dangles like an eyeball plucked from its socket. Secondly we litter the floor with McDonald's wrappers, QuickTrip cups, and cookie wrappers. This detritus obscures any laptop computers or purses that may stored in the vehicle and implies a certain level of poverty that would preclude any excess electronics.

I have recently thought of marketing our refuse as an anti-theft device. We could simply place our trash in a bag (from Walmart or the Goodwill of course) and sell it at flea markets around town. If we put a little work in to it, we could include pamphlets from the free clinic, classified ads with a few random jobs circled, and Aldi's grocery ads. Sell them for a dollar a piece and we would still be profitable.

So remember to park smart. Secure all of your valuables and proudly display the remains of a lower income lifestyle.